Hey everyone. This is Dr. Liz from Sex-Positive Psych. Why do I hate chill? How many of you in the current dating world have been in a situation where you’ve been seeing someone a few times? You hang out. You see each other. You text. You call. You maybe have sex or some kind of sexual interaction but the second one of you asks, “Hey, what is it we’re doing here?” you somehow feel like you lost.

What is that? Why is it that in our relationships right now, the value we have highest is for chill, for not ever asking for anything, for not ever asking what we are, what we’re doing, why it matters, any of those things?

What’s important about chill? The thing is what I tend to see is that people use chill as a stand-in for “I don’t want to be accountable.” I don’t want to have to worry about how my actions are impacting you. We’re going to have this race to see who can be the most blasé. We’re going to see who can be the least invested and that person wins.

The problem with this strategy is that at its very core, it is predicated on not being real and not being vulnerable. It depends on you hiding what it is that you want, hiding who it is that you are. So why would you want to be chill? People who are chill can’t be a human. People who are chill can’t be hot. They can’t be fiery. Don’t you want to be those things too?

So if you find yourself in a dating situation and you’re wondering why chill is so important, maybe do what I do. I say fuck chill. I don’t want to be chill. I am not a chill person. I am passionate! I have interests. I have things that I care about. I am really interested in developing intimacy with people, even if that intimacy means I have no ability to tell them what to do with their minds or their bodies or their time. I want to know the real person. I don’t want to know the façade that they are trying to show me.

So I don’t want chill. I don’t want to be chill either. Do you? So take some time. Next time you’re dating someone or seeing them or hanging out, figure out if Netflix and chill is actually right for you. I know for me, I say no to chill.

This is Dr. Liz from Sex-Positive Psych. If you want to know more about what I do, you can check the link below. If chill is a big deal for you and you don’t know how to get past it, you don’t know how to let these folks know that you don’t want chill, I’ve got a great course coming up for you. It’s called Your Erotic Voice.

If you want to know more, I’ve got a link right below in the first comment. I’ve got a link below in the description.

So talk to me. Let me know what you think. Leave me comments. Do you disagree? Do you think chill is awesome? I’m happy to hear your thoughts. I will talk to you next time.